No smoking

No smoking

It is against the law to smoke in these premises.

Also there is to be no rape, pillage, murder, theft, kidnapping, rollerblading, ball games, trapeze acts, bathing in blanchmange, fox hunting, bear baiting, hare coursing, hot air ballooning, driving of double decker buses nor any activity which patronises the congregation in the way our government forces us to patronize you by obliging us to display this ridiculous notice.